Haven’t times been a bit different over the last couple of months. For me, the first few weeks were filled with anxiety and fear. Anxiety about my business and not doing the right thing – fear that if I did carry on as normal, I was putting not only me and my family at risk but that of my clients. I chose to stop my face to face classes 5 days before I had no choice because of this and I am glad I did – it was the right decision for me.
However, I rushed quickly into teaching online classes to my pre-paid clients as I felt that is what I needed to do – I needed to continue to serve them. Behind the scenes .eg. in my home made studio/online ‘Zoom room’ (to coin a phrase from a wonderful friend I have recently made) I was like a swan – looking serene and in control on the outside but paddling like some crazy lady underneath.
It was bloody tough and there were times that I wanted to say STOP – but as the weeks have gone on, I have got into my stride and opened my online door a little bit wider. That is not to say that there still isn’t some crazy paddling going on every now and again.
Like lots of you I am juggling work, training courses, children, husband, dog and home – the same things I would have been doing without the pandemic. The pandemic has added some layers of complexity that naturally can increase the stress and tension, and I realised that I have allowed my mind to add even more unhelpful layers – like thinking I need to rush into making decisions on my way forward, future direction and of course those decisions about children going back to school, how to keep them mentally and physically healthy.
I don’t know about you but I can be prone to rushing into things without allowing myself to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, ask myself what I need not just what I think others may need.
Fortunately, as during this time I have been in the middle of my Yoga Nidra training - which is a sleep based meditation with a trace of awareness that helps to release physical, mental and emotional exhaustion, I have been getting a lot of practice in stopping, pausing, listening to my inner self, inner needs while resting at the same time. This also allows you to release your inner creativity (and Yes it is inside all of us and it doesn’t have to be Picasso or Shakespeare) and my creativity is coming out in the occasional verse.
The one below represents my rushing into things and I hope it inspires you to stop, pause and check in with what you really need.
I rush from A to B and sometimes arrive at C
But most of the time I veer off to D, E or Zee
Then I stop and ask myself where was I going?
And my mind for a moment is blank, as all I’ve been doing is DOING.
I then remember where I was heading, and I stop for a moment and Be
I start to see, this treadmill I’ve been on,
Where freedom, stillness, and space are gone
And I just exist, running on and on.
I’m called to stop and drop.
the list of things to do, the floor to mop
Ground myself to the earth
Create space for me to birth
My longings, my dreams, my hearts desires
Those long-lost wishes that burn deep as fires
With time to ignite the light and fan the flames
I can learn to start living again.